Lights Out Films » Sports

Barry the Creep

admin — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 02:54:36 +0000

Emerging from my multi-year hiatus from blogging to say one thing:

HAH-HAH

http://abcnews.go.com/Sports/wireStory?id=2786602

Dodge This, You Bible Reading Puss

admin — Fri, 14 Apr 2006 04:45:37 +0000

"Youth Minister Smites Dodgeball Opponent"
A youth minister was charged with assault
for allegedly knocking down a 16-year-old boy and kicking him in the
groin after taking a head shot from the teen in a dodgeball game.
http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/03/31/dodgeball.assault.ap/index.html

Nothing like dodgeball to make you forget your devotion to Jesus. In a way, I understand why he might be pissed. If some punk kid threw a big rubber ball at the back of my head, I’d be mad too. I might even chuck back at his head and send a few well placed insults towards him.

But kick the kid in the nuts? After pushing him down? Cold. Stone cold. Like those that slay our Savior and Lord.

Why I hate Barry Bonds

admin — Sun, 09 Apr 2006 04:00:00 +0000

I know this is a few weeks old. I’ve given it some time to stew. Some time to let the situation play out in the media and see just how legit these charges were. Disturbingly, the charges seem fairly bombproof. But the thing that really set me off was the San Diego opening home game vs. the Giants. On ESPN, no mention of Barry’s troubles, his ass-holiness, if you will, but rather reverence for his supreme skills; the mere steps he is from Ruth’s record.

As it may be clear from my life-long Dodgers fandom, I think Barry Bonds is one of the most awful human beings in existence.

That, and he has a head the size of a prize-winning pumpkin.

I said it here on this very blog, and finally the accusations have gone from the clubhouse to the public.

I’ll save both the ‘woe is the state of baseball’ AND the ‘fans were hypocrites because they wanted more home runs and they cheered this behemoth on.’

I didn’t. I knew that he (or thought that he – I don’t want to get sued here) was a juicer. I knew he was a phony. A liar. A cheat. It’s a small black eye to a sport that’s already in the dumps. Where’s the indignation from the league?

I hate Barry Bonds because he attained his super-stardom by cheating, but most of all because he’s an arrogant prick.

Screw you Barry.

Sweep the Leg!

admin — Sat, 16 Jul 2005 00:28:46 +0000

I hearby call for a mandatory, absolute, state-sponsored, voter-approved quartering of this scumbag. The essence of the story: A T-ball (fucking T-BALL!!!) coach wanted to win his game very badly, but he had a disabled kid on his team who was apparently holding them back from true glory. So he paid an 8 year old teammate $25 to hit the kid in the head and balls with a baseball before the game so that he didn’t have to put the kid in. Oh. My. Fucking. God.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2005/more/07/15/bc.bbo.youngplayerhurt.ap/index.html?cnn=yes

Roided School Girls

admin — Tue, 26 Apr 2005 02:43:01 +0000

Barry Bonds has a big head. Let’s hope that these young girls don’t experience the same thing, in this, my favorite headline and article of the day:

Schoolgirls using steroids to get toned, experts say

I’m BUSY. Really busy. I’ll try to update more soon.

Barry

admin — Tue, 22 Mar 2005 23:52:31 +0000

So, Barry. You may not play this season? Ah, that’s a damn shame. Maybe you’ll get better and return next year, 100lbs lighter and unable to hit monster home runs, you roided man-freak.

Tonya the Boxer

admin — Wed, 09 Feb 2005 03:41:31 +0000

Not that I thought Tonya Harding was good looking as a skater (definitely of the skanky, trashy variety), but you MUST see her now. She looks like a she-beast after apparently becoming some kind of pro-am boxer. I mean, good for her for earning a living and all, but christ.

Boston Glove – From the rink, to the ring

Still, regardless of her physical appearance, she still doesn’t have the distinction of being the worst host of SNL ever. That award, of course, goes to Nancy Kerrigan, whose stilted, uncomfortable, 4th grade delivery has to be the most cringe-inducing performance ever. I needed to take a shower after seeing that. And it’s still stuck in my mind, sadly.

[Link via BoingBoing]

Barry Bonds – I Love to Shoot the Juice

admin — Fri, 27 Feb 2004 19:11:43 +0000

So maybe he didn’t say that directly, but Barry has probably been juiced up for about 5 years now, and everyone suspects it. Finally, someone is talking:

http://www.sfgate.com/

Barry’s an asshole, plain and simple. That’s why I don’t like him. Not because he’s good – I recognize that. I hate him because he has the personality of a tuna-fish and the anger of a steroid-injected bull.

A Note from the Past

admin — Fri, 27 Jun 2003 01:21:37 +0000

I’m writing this on Wednesday night at 8:30pm and my blog isn’t working right now. Hopefully they’ll have it back up Thursday morning. Amazing that now, when I have time to sit here at the computer and write an entry, I have nothing to say.

I don’t usually give San Francisco sports media that much praise, because all the players and teams in and around SF are bastards. That said, the San Jose Mercury News did have an excellent article about the rivalry between our Dodgers and the Giants, particularly about the most hated man on the Dodgers, Eric Gagne. They make the suggestion that’s his the first Dodger personality in a long while that they can boo – ever since Tommy Lasorda left, of course. Great article. Even better because he’s a Dodger fan favorite and we can’t help but cheer when we see him warming up in the bullpen. Two years ago, I would have thought it impossible to get excited about watching a closer hit the mound. Yeah for the big Canadian hockey player.

http://www.bayarea.com/mld/mercurynews/sports/6165395.htm

Barry Bonds Stole My Job

admin — Sun, 20 Oct 2002 06:06:09 +0000

I hate Barry. That unbridled arrogance that comes from being the best player in the game. Yeah, I can admit it. He’s the single best player maybe to ever play the game. That doesn’t mean that I have to like him though. The way he points to the sky, the way he drops his bat…it all bothers me to no end. I hate you Barry. I hate you with almost all the fibers of my being (the rest of those fibers are used for the betterment of mankind, not hate. Oh and they’re used for eating too).

According to the people at the job I was applying to, I’m a finalist that they’re considering. I think this is a good sign… unless they meant that I was a finalist (cue ominous music)..FOR EXTERMINATION! Coming soon to a theater near you.

This is starting to sound like a Larry King article. Here’s the thing. I want to coin a phrase. Like “It was darker than a carload of assholes (Raymond Chandler)” or “till the cows come home” or “stupid as a bag of hammers” (one of the better ones). The following is a list of phrases. I hope that many, if not all of these, will come into popular usage. And I didn’t say they had to make any sense:

Read the following in a stupid, Dr. Phil, southern drawl:
1) He’s gonna do it ’till his mama can’t spank his ass no more.
2) It’s not worth two tits of a tit-mouse.
3) You can’t tell dust from snot, so don’t try to.
4) Two eagle feathers don’t make a jackrabbit.
5) You can eat dog shit on a warm day, but it isn’t better than waffles on a cold one.
6) A balloon bigger than your head may look like a tasty treat, but don’t bet on it Buster.
7) Crummy is as Crummy does.
You can’t see your own ass without a mirror.
9) A closed door is only good if it has a lock. (That sounds like a real, Dr. Phony…oops… Dr. Phil quote)
10) Harrison Ford is as Harrison Ford does. (Running out of ideas)
11) Running out of ideas is like running out of piss, it feels really good not to have any.