How to Sound Smart
At the age of 27, I’ve worked for institutions both commercial and academic, ranging from fast food restaurants to large universities to bomb.coms to privately held management firms to mega-corps. In that short time, I’ve learned, essentially, the art of bullshit. Mind you, I learned these skills, but I rarely employ them, as I much rather would inject less bullshit into the world, not more of it. Nonetheless, I have used them on occasion – meeting with vendors, talking to numbskulls and generally trying to avoid human interaction. So here, in short list form – not to mention with an introduction that in no way justifies the content – is my list of ways to sound smart.
1. Synergy, collaboration, cooperation – these are all words that you should use as often as possible. When you use words that suggest togetherness, people think the words that you’re saying are important, thus they are further drawn into your web of bullshit.
2. Use as many acronyms as possible, even if they’re made up. Use these with authority and don’t pause to explain what the acronyms mean. If you’re with a group of professional, competent people, they won’t question you, because they believe that they should know these and would be embarrassed to ask.
3. Leave at 5:15pm. Most people are gone at 5 and they think you’re burning the midnight oil – when in reality, you’re as big of a scumbag as anyone and you’re just itching to go.
Leaving at 5.15? I’m on to you Alex.
I’d also like to add, as #4, use made-up words like “administritivia” or use words in incorrect context. Again, use these words with authority, and IF someone has the guts to question your choice of words or asks for clarification, act like they SHOULD know, but be gracious enough to give them your definition. For example, “…until the team fully foments.”
This individual, who will remain unnamed, was talking about building a team, coming to consensus, reaching agreement…I’m sorry, but all of the definitions of “foment” that I’ve seen refer to rebellion, instigating, riling up, etc. Of course, when challenged, the individual would not admit the word may have been used in the wrong context, but that’s beside the point isn’t it?
as #5, i would like to add, try to use larger words, say you had a word like “big”, there are many other words that refer to the same meaning, such as, enormous, titanic, and many more. and like russell said, make up some words, it will lead you on the way to succeeding and achieving with the less intelligent people with you. that will be all
goodbye
as #5, i would like to add, try to use larger words, say you had a word like “big”, there are many other words that refer to the same meaning, such as, enormous, titanic, and many more. and like russell said, make up some words, it will lead you on the way to succeeding and achieving with the less intelligent people with you. that will be all
goodbye
im sounding smarterer already