Meet the Ikki twins. – By Troy Patterson – Slate Magazine. Troy Patterson’s piece on Double Shot of Love, the new MTV dating show, had me nearly crying with laughter. Rarely is a television show so perfectly described as it is here. The twins insist on the cast’s sex appeal relentlessly, pleading with the audience [...]
Note: Please forgive me if some of what I’m writing sounds familiar. Mystery Science Theater has seeped so deeply into my brain that I can no longer distinguish between my original thoughts and ones stolen from the now cancelled show. This article is more of a blow by blow account of emotional attack I felt, [...]
House of the Dead is a movie based on the popular arcade game – I should just stop right there, shouldn’t I? Admittedly, I have on more than one occasion (drunk or not), picked up the plastic blue or pink shotguns and shot and CGI zombies. And you know what? It’s a fairly fun game. [...]
I implore you… nay command you… to sign this petition stopping Uwe Boll from making any more travesties against celluloid: To: Dr. Uwe Boll We, the undersigned, respectfully ask that Uwe Boll give proper weight to the wishes of the video game community, the horror community, and the film going community in general and stop [...]
Year: 2003 Written by: Geoffrey Alan Holliday Directed by: Richard Friedman Starring: Samaire Armstrong, Ryan Alosio, Jaime Bergman and Tippi Hedren (Wha?) Details: 94 mins / 20th Century Fox Home Video / Rated R Darkwolf is the story of a wolf who is dark. And who wants to mate. That’s pretty much it. You know [...]
Year: 2003 Written by: A Whole Bunch of Losers Directed by: Uli Edel Starring: Thomas Gibson and Cathering Heigl Info: 120 mins (with commercials) / TBS / Rated TV-14 … it just fades away. Spoiler Alert: I give away everything about this made for TV movie, but not like it matters. You won’t (or shouldn’t [...]
Year: 2002 Written and Directed: Guy Ritchie Based on the screenplay by Lina Wertmuller Starring: Madonna, Adriano Giannini, and Bruce Greenwood Details: 89 mins / Screen Gems / Rated R Swept Away has been called 2002′s shittiest film. It’s the story of a rich, arrogant woman who gets swept away to an island with a [...]
No, it’s not as bad as you’ve heard, but it’s certainly not as good as you hoped. The horror that is Alien vs. Predator is not wrought by beast, but by man. In this case, that man is Paul W.S. Anderson, most stupendous superhack of all directors. Yes, if there’s any question about it, a [...]